Journal Entry:
Sat Feb 27, 2010, 8:23 PM
Yea, I wont leave you guys. Dont worry. I'll just ignore the people that make me wanna leave.
If you really dont care anymore now that I wont actually be leaving, you can stop reading. If you wanna know whats going on, you could prolly try to figure it out through my ramblings here:
I wish I knew how to write a good essay. Then maybe I could apologize for things I didnt do.
It was just a prank really. I dont know whats wrong, really. They just ignore me for no reason.
You: No reason? None? Whatsoever?
Me: Well, as far as I know. I asked them and tell me Ima, and I quote: 'BLIND. AS. FUCK.' -laughs crazily and dryly-
You: Thats creepy.
Me: Yea, my brother just saw it and freaked out.
So yea. I feel like Ive been convicted of murder without going through a trial. I dont feel treated unfairly, I feel victimized. People tell me they're mad at me cause I acted like a jackass or something during the prank.
You: Were you?
Me: Ummm, I just thought it was stupid to actually be afraid of a retarded thing like Slender Man. And laughed at him and whatnot. You know, in character stuff. I WAS controlling the whole thing.
You: What would you do if it wasnt controlled by you?
Me: I'd prolly laugh at first like I did. Then if it continued, I'd find the person, knock their teeth out and then tell them to stop creeping out my friend.
And I really would. I swear I would. I wouldnt let a bad thing happen to them as much as I could. I've had a protective streak over them since I've known them. Dont they know that?
You: You ARE a distant person.
Me: I know. But I am the most loyal and caring person over my friends. I'd do anything for them.
You: You sure dont act like it.
Me: I have been complimented as a good actor in the past.
You: Cant you just tell them?
Me: I have problems with feelings.
You: Okay then.
This just all sucks. I hope you read this cause I hate being ignored. You know that too. I dunno why you feel that our friendship has to end over a silly little joke. I've gone through enough heartbreak in a short amount of time, think what losing my best friends gonna do?
You: Havent you lost them already?
Me: I am still clinging onto that tiny shred of hope that I didnt lose him.
You: And your best friends? You actually have some?
Me: Hardy har har. I have tons of friends. Few are close. See the 'problems with feelings' thing we previously went over.
You: But to say, 'hey, you're my best friend, dude'?
Me: I've told him once. Why do I need to tell him over and over? We're not lovers or boyfriend and girlfriend or anything. It should be a common sense thought by now.
Or isnt it...?
-
Mood:
Suffering -
Listening to: Blues Traveler, they actually play good music.
-
Watching: The fireplace and its glowing fire of warmth.
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
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oints:
Fine, here's the deal: I don't care so much about the prank. It was pretty good, actually. If had just been that, I'd be a bit miffed, but I'd get over it. But no, I told you I was actually afraid, and you laughed at me. I told you DudeNotFunny, and you kept laughing. So I started ignoring anything of that sort. That should have been your main clue about why I was doing what I was doing, cause I was still talking to you when you avoided making fun of me. But, of course, you still kept making fun of me, even going as far as calling me retarded, so I said "Fuck this, I've obviously been wrong about Nikky this whole time." Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have expected better from you. Whatever. Regardless of whose fault it is, the damage is done. I don't know how long it'll last, but I've gone from considering you my best friend and liking you (like you couldn't have figured that out) to seriously not wanting to have anything to do with you.
There ya go. Happy?
Sorry for being a tad sadistic and sorry for finding humor in seemingly bad situations. Next time, I'll hug you close, tell you its gonna be okay, don shining armor, then go slay the feirce dragon that has been tormenting you. Next time, I wont laugh or smile or say you're being ridiculous. Next time, I wont be logical and feed your conspiracy theories stemmed from fear, causing you to be imersed by more fear from my feeding of it.
Oh, better idea! Next time, I just wont bother to speak at all. Of course, that wont be a problem since you find it fitting to ignore me from now on. I'll just stay quiet whenever you need help now, I wont do anything at all.
How is feeding my fear logical? It's just being a jerkass, something I wish to point out you criticized me for being SOMETIMES.
No. I was joking around and saying 'He's gonna eat your soul, oh noes.'
Empathy? What is this word called empathy? And you couldve blocked me in the middle of a conversation. Thats more of a hint then just flat out ignoring me.
And how did it go too far? It was LAUGHING. Laughing, dude! And a few snide remarks. You're being such a fucking girl about this whole thing. Why dont you just grow up, grow a pair and stop getting so upset over stupid things for once.