I love howreally fast.
in a matter of minutes
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RelapseIt’s like counting
along your limbs -
remembering a time
‘just one more’
made you feel better.
- & you’re sitting there
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s
Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
But at least it makes me
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.
It spreads, like fire,
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.
I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?
What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –
Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival
(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)
We fight for our dream.
We're just waiting to die.
The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.
The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.
So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?
Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?
Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"
the name that cuts like a knife,
it's all that you see inside,
is breaking with every breath I take
the only thing I can't seem to face.
Battle in my MindEat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
I love you..
In The Daylight
In The Daylight
A false downfall
An unexpected revival
Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness
In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest
I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic
I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid
A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete
Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat
wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.
she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"
in that moment,
we forget to exist.
She does not have,
She has many of them.
A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.
If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.
She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.
She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
she will smile,
because she is truly happy alone.
She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.
We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.
It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.
We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.
There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Nobody even asks my ideas,
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.
But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.
That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.
But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.
No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.
So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.
Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.
In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.
There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop
OrSome people think I'm crazy
I think I'm just a lost cause.
And I'm not asking for your pity
Nor am I here to be your friend
Or punching bag.
You've probably have been through worse than I have, though.
And I can understand that.
But dont punch me
Or kick me
Or yell at me
Or lecture me
Or torture me
Or shoot me
Or love me.
And dont make me feel hopeless
70 ReasonsI miss...
1. The way you try to keep me happy in anyway possible (gifts, jokes, anything).
2. The way you put up with my violent mood swings and emotional detachment.
3. Your hugs (Even though, for some reason, you seem to need a reason to hug me every time).
4. Your willingness to always help me.
5. Your stupid need to be involved with politics.
6. You smiling.
7. That you allow me to use you as a punching bag (even though I hate myself for venting on you).
8. Being your best friend.
9. Being that girl that you just couldnt give up on.
10. Your undivided attention.
11. Our bickering matches.
12. The way my insides would churn eve
StatisticI wish we weren't another sad statistic
Written on the white board between fornication and infidelity
But our fears are slowly simmering down
Our courage comes from nowhere
Or is it simply stupidity?
Just a ThoughtJust a thought
Or a reason
Now, what if I spelled all that I have liked in this?
How would you react if you saw something about you in here?
Dammit, I cant spell though.
Ah, well. You'll live, right?
Nor will you die in your own self made grave, right?
Never commit suicide either.
You'll regret it.
Cause I would hate to see you go.
All of my world might fall apart.
Letting me drown is not an option. Only I can let myself drown.
Everyone else doesnt matter.
But if you seem to not care, I feel hurt.
Eventually, my heart'll break.
Then maybe I might flee to a village.
Have an affair with the bartenders cute son.
And then get a
swedish colorsI am the orange swedish fish
because orange is my favorite flavor.
If you're my friend, you're a red one
because I have many friends.
If you're my enemy, you're pink
because I never eat them and I hate the color pink.
If you're my family, you're yellow
I do have a large, bright family.
If you're my crush, you're green
because every crush I've had is sweet but few and far between.
If you're blue, you're the one who'll take my heart and make me fall in love with you.
I've never had a blue swedish fish.
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`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More